I Have Only Just Begun Walking the Right Path of Life (Part 2)

     Later, I was elected as a leader of the church by my brothers and sisters. When I encountered issues in the beginning, I would often listen to suggestions from brothers and sisters, and did not care about how others would think of me. But it did not take long for my desire of pursuing fame and fortune to begin to expand again. Since I started fulfilling this duty earlier than the sister I was partnered with, brothers and sisters would naturally come to me more when they had difficulties. Gradually, I started getting carried away and thought that I was superior to that sister. When in meetings with that sister, I would always talk about some seemingly important doctrines to show off and win recognition and admiration from brothers and sisters, as well as to make them feel that I was better than her. Once, during a small group meeting, a thought came to my mind after the sister had just communicated for a little while: I must communicate more, or else brothers and sisters would think I am not as good as her. Thus, I butted in when there was a pause and began communicating non-stop. Just as I was really getting into it, a brother beside me interrupted me: “We can’t just talk about empty doctrines. We should communicate some practical experiences and knowledge so as to supply brothers and sisters.” After listening to the brother’s words, I felt as though I had been slapped in public. With my face flushed, I thought: I had originally intended to say a few extra words so that brothers and sisters will rate me highly, but now it has gotten so embarrassing for me! At the time, I wanted to find a hole in the ground to hide in. Just as I was feeling tortured inside, the brother read a passage from God’s word: “Some people particularly idolize Paul: They like to give speeches and work outside. They like to meet together; they like when people listen to them, worship them, and surround them. They like to have status in the minds of others and appreciate when others value their image. … If he really behaves in this way, then that is enough to show that he is arrogant and conceited. He does not worship God at all; he seeks high status, and he wants to have authority over others, to occupy them, to have status in their minds. What stands out about his nature is arrogance and conceit, unwillingness to worship God, and a desire for the worship of others. This is a classic image of Satan. You can see clearly into his nature from these behaviors” (“How to Know Man’s Nature” in Records of Christ’s Talks). Every word of God’s judgment was like a needle stabbing into my heart, making me even more ashamed. I recalled that before I believed in God, I particularly enjoyed being admired by everyone, and strived with my heart and soul to stand out and become a strong and successful woman. After this dream was shattered, I thought I could fulfill my dream of the fame, fortune, and status in the church. Especially during this period, I secretly competed against that sister in order to make brothers and sisters look up to me. On the surface, I was competing for status against a person, but in substance, I was vying with God for His chosen people. This is because those who believe in God should look up to God, worship Him, and give God a place in their hearts. Instead, I wanted to have a place in the hearts of brothers and sisters, and have them look up to me and worship me. Isn’t this blatant resistance of God? Only before the facts was I able to see that my nature is against God. If I do not experience God’s chastisement and judgment and achieve no change in my disposition, then even if I appear to be passionately and actively expending for God on the outside, I am in fact doing evil and resisting God. At the same time, I saw clearly that Satan corrupts mankind by instilling toxins into their minds and souls in various ways, making them scramble for fame, fortune, and status, and through this makes them gradually stray from God, betray God, and eventually drags them into hell. Thinking of this, I could not help but become afraid, and I also started to despise my blindness and foolishness, my deep corruption, and the satanic toxins that had taken root deep inside me. If I had not been under the dominion of fame, fortune, and status, I would not have been under the control of any person, occurrence, or thing, and would have only sought to satisfy God through fulfilling my duty as a created being. If I had not been controlled by fame, fortune, and status, I would have, through fulfilling my duty, focused on exalting God, witnessing God, and bringing brothers and sisters before Him. If I had not been controlled by fame, fortune, and status, I would not have lived in depression and torment every day, competing for supremacy with others in all things, focusing on other people’s assessments of me, and being completely unable to enjoy the relief and happiness brought by the truth. If I had not been controlled by fame, fortune, and status, I would have established proper relationships with brothers and sisters and supported and helped each other in spirit, rather than using a facade to deceive others for their trust and admiration. … This was all because of the harm of Satan’s toxins. Satan really is too despicable and too evil. It absolutely is a soul-devouring demon! Under the enlightenment and guidance of God, I developed the will and courage to forsake my flesh and practice the truth. So I prayed to God: “Oh God! It is the harm of fame, fortune, and status that has put me in today’s situation. To pursue these things, I left Your requirements behind, disobeying and resisting You over and over again and making You sad and disgusted. I now hate these things from the bottom of my heart. I will forsake them thoroughly. May You guide me in my future path.” Since then, I have kept a much lower profile, and during meetings I would start to focus on talking about my actual experiences. When brothers and sisters had problems, I would consciously open my heart to communicate with them about the states where I actually ran into problems myself and the enlightenment and guidance of God’s words, so that they may understand God’s intentions and know God’s love. When I acted this way, I felt more at ease and illuminated inside my heart, making every day especially fulfilling.

    After experiencing God’s work for several years, I understood more clearly: Fame, fortune, and status are tricks used by Satan to fool people, chains used to bind people and means used to control people. People living under its domain can only be bound and fooled by it, without any freedom whatsoever and unable to live out the likeness of a true human being. On the other hand, God’s word is the truth, the way, and the life. People living under God’s word are living in the light and the blessings of God. Only by pursuing the truth can people embark upon the right path in life and obtain genuine freedom and liberation. Looking back at the pain and suffering that fame, fortune, and status has brought me, then at the salvation work God has performed on me, I really feel appreciative toward and indebted to God. To rescue me from the bondage of fame, fortune, and status, God elaborately arranged various environments, people, things, and occurrences, and led and guided me step by step by means of His work, allowing me to walk on the right path of life. Every environment and every manifestation was all elaborately planned by God, and behind each lies God’s great love and salvation for me. After experiencing chastisement and judgment over and over again, I gradually saw the reality of my corruption. I also gained some knowledge of God’s work, saw God’s holiness, greatness, and selflessness, and felt deeply God’s thought and care in saving mankind. In my future experiences, I shall be more willing to accept God’s chastisement and judgment, His trials and refinements, so that my corrupt disposition can be thoroughly cleansed and changed, and so I can genuinely live out a meaningful and valuable life!

    Footnotes:

    a. The original text does not contain the phrase “desire for.”

Source：The Church of Almighty God